I’ve gone trough changes in my life that are tremendously increased the quality of my life. I used to be depressed and feeling lost in the world. I was using too much alcohol, I wasn’t passionate about anything I had lost my ability to feel. Now I believe that I create my own reality, I can do only things I like and my life is based on joy and inspiration.

Everything started when I changed my diet. 2008 I tasted for the first time raw chocolate and goji berries, I started to eat organic food and soon I ate mostly raw food. After horrible detox-symptoms I regained my lost energy. I slept about two hours less than normally, I always walked up the stairs because I just had so much energy. I remember how I couldn’t just stay laying on a couch but I had to go out to run in a forest. I never before had run just because of the joy of running.

When my body became cleaner also my mind started to get clear. I started to question my life values and thought there has to be something that I would want to do in my life. The search took me around the world to Guatemala where I met American doctor-psychologist-healer-shaman, my future teacher.

In 2011 I moved to Guatemala and started to study with Dr. Bill. We were traveling around Guatemala, going from town to town and from house to house. He helped everyone who needed help, for free. At that time I didn’t know what is my part in all of this but I trusted that I’m in a right place. I didn't really know what to think about everything I witnessed but I decided to stay and wait.

A radical change happened when we were in a small fisherman village. We were helping an old grandma in her little hut with a sand floor. I sat in a corner on a small plastic stool and one of the legs were shorter than others. Bill was circling around the grandma with his assistant when he asked me to come closer and touch the grandma’s arm. I thought that OK I could do that, so I took my stool and moved closer. When I put my hand on her arm she started slowly turn her head to see me. She gave me her most beautiful smile - so that all her three teeth showed. In that moment something happened in me. Her smile and gaze touched me deep in my heart. I understood that this is what I want to do in my life: help others.

I started the hardest training of my life. 18 hours a day, 7 days a week. The only holiday I had was every three months when I had to go to Mexico for a visa run and the summers in Finland. Those were the times when I had to put everything I had learned into practice. I spent with Bill about 650 days and during that time he ripped open every wound, fear, trauma and insecurity I had and with the tools he taught me I was able to work on them until they were healed.

To become an authentic healer or a guide, one has to learn through experiences, not just from books. The real work is to go through one’s own processes. Bill saw my pains and poked them until they didn’t hurt anymore. When I got through one period I learned to enjoy those moments of harmony because I knew that in 24 hours the next period would start.

Many times I was close to give up and return home. Then Bill said ”I’m proud of you. Try to see the problem from this point of view” or ”Write down about this”, and always his support made me to stay. Sometimes I was so broken and exhausted that I couldn’t help but cry on his lap.

When the worst was over, Bill started to teach me to teach others. I was sitting in all of his classes and his readings and I started to teach the new people who came to see him. He also taught me to massage and heal with my hands. In 2013 I started to do massages in a hotel nearby and many other massage therapies came to get treated by me. That’s how I was able to support myself financially.

Because of clearing emotional blockages and inner processing, my natural sensitivity started to come back. I started to sense others emotional states and pains. I learned to channel energy through my hands and the sensitivity of my hands became more precise. It was like I had eyes in my fingertips and my hands just knew where I had to massage or touch. The conscious touch helped people to let go of their defence so that the suppressed emotions were able to come up. Someone cried, the other laughed, one might fall asleep. I confronted all of them equally as they were.

I wasn’t the same person anymore who came to Guatemala in the first place. I had changed.

In the beginning of 2014 I moved back to Finland. I wasn’t ready and I don’t believe I will ever be, but I had the knowledge and the skills I needed to continue by myself. A new phase started in my life - now I wasn’t in the safe bubble of Bill but I had to confront alone my old world that I had escaped from.

The change wasn’t an easy one, but I understood that it was a very important phase of my ongoing training. Would I return back to as I was before or could I stay in my power and in the new knowledge I had. Was the time in Guatemala just an illusion or was it all real?

I lost old friends, I stressed out from the tiniest obligation and I created to myself an anxiety disorder and panic attacks, but one step after another I was able to stay on my path. Now the last years weren’t just a story and a nice adventure, it became part of who I am. When you see, you can believe. When experience, you know. Now I know that all of this is real.

In the summer of 2014 I started as an entrepreneur and created Lepomieli. I started to do lectures about how to re-program our belief-systems, give massages and together with Tarja Hirvi we did chocolate ceremonies. I was able to sustain myself and keep studying and practicing, but still I was looking for my place.

Who am I really and what do I want from my life?

Through tantra, conscious channeling of sexual energy and embodiment I've been able to build up my strength and my confidence. I learned to open my heart and make my decisions based on love and inspiration instead of fear and insecurity. Processing and the self development continued. Embracing boundaries and contrast make life interesting. Those moments give us a chance to grow and expand.

2015 I started Kaakaoklubi [a cacao club] where with ceremonial cacao we learn to process with our emotions and to understand vibrational reality. Kaakaoklubi has 3 independent facilitators now in Finland who keep doing events and group meditations.

Now I do private coaching, lectures and workshops about emotional mastery. I guide men to live in their power and purpose and I hold small courses about tantra and sexuality. I’m a faculty apprentice in the International School of Temple Arts (ISTA) where Bruce Lyon works as my mentor. I travel a lot around the world and attend and assist workshops to learn more. But the most important place to study and practice is in our normal daily life and embracing it consciously.

I live day by day and I do my decisions based on joy and excitement. I follow my joy and I do things that I really want to do. Others can’t be helped if we don’t take care of ourselves. That’s why it’s crucial to take care of ourselves first. It’s not always easy and it brings up lots of uncomfort, confontation and contemplation. I share openly my thoughts on Instagram, Facebook and on my blog.

Life is like a great movie, where we are the main character, the one watching and the one directing it at the same time. You create your own reality, whether you are conscious of it or not. When you realise, how it happens, you can create exactly what you want. It needs focus, letting go of old habits and learning new ones, choosing love instead of fear and a lot joy, laughter and spontaneity.

My journey to the happiest version of myself continues.

- Antti 

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Antti Leponiemi

Skype: Lepomieli
Facebook: Lepomieli

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